poetrybyheart.me

Most days I eat lunch at my kitchen table accompanied by music on my old JVC boom box and the New York Times obituaries. The obituaries tell me stories of well-known people and some I have never heard of. I learn a lot about life and history. The obituaries do not make me sad.

My boom box has room for two tapes and three CD’s, many of which my son created for me. Usually I play jazz, Cole Porter, Chet Baker and rock and roll. Today I played Tchaikovsky’s Symphony Number 5. It always takes me back to a particular evening. The Conductor of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra led this symphony as part of his desire to take classical music to people on the South-side of Chicago who had rarely been exposed to it. It was held in the magnificent Sanctuary of an old church. The diverse audience was spellbound by the beauty and accessibility of the music. My former husband and I were one of those enchanted people.

Listening to this music makes me sad. It is not grieving a loss but is yearning for something that never was. I chose to depart this marriage and settle myself close to my children. I am alone. I never expected to be. There is an empty place that a partner might have inhabited.

I get up from my kitchen table and take my single plate and mug to the sink. I remember the joy and peace of the solitary life which I have chosen, inhabiting an apartment just the right size for one. I am happy.

Written in response to the Daily Prompt:Prefer