cronechronicler

Exploring the poetry of everyday life

Choice Living

Most days I eat lunch at my kitchen table accompanied by music on my old JVC boom box and the New York Times obituaries. The obituaries tell me stories of well-known people and some I have never heard of. I learn a lot about life and history. The obituaries do not make me sad.

My boom box has room for two tapes and three CD’s, many of which my son created for me. Usually I play jazz, Cole Porter, Chet Baker and rock and roll. Today I played Tchaikovsky’s Symphony Number 5. It always takes me back to a particular evening. The Conductor of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra led this symphony as part of his desire to take classical music to people on the South-side of Chicago who had rarely been exposed to it. It was held in the magnificent Sanctuary of an old church. The diverse audience was spellbound by the beauty and accessibility of the music. My former husband and I were one of those enchanted people.

Listening to this music makes me sad. It is not grieving a loss but is yearning for something that never was. I chose to depart this marriage and settle myself close to my children. I am alone. I never expected to be. There is an empty place that a partner might have inhabited.

I get up from my kitchen table and take my single plate and mug to the sink. I remember the joy and peace of the solitary life which I have chosen, inhabiting an apartment just the right size for one. I am happy.

Written in response to the Daily Prompt:Prefer

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Strange Grief

Two husbands I have put behind me
Two marriages spent in years that equal half my life
I did not grieve exact dates of their ending
I do not grieve today their rich existence
Divorce, for me, resulted in mixed blessings
Quite a different shade of grief

My weddings both were days of joy
Expectations of forevermore
Promises to ensure our future
Constancy in good times and in poor
Lovely dreams spun from an illusion
Not accounting for realities ahead

Living showered me with gifts and challenges
A fifties girl whose eyes were opened wide
Even now I feel the swell of my adventures
Surging through my heart with every breath
Grief put aside I count my every blessing
Beginning with three sons and my grandchildren

Becoming an independent woman
Economic struggles trained me well
After trial and error I discovered
Life as a solitary is not half bad
Lately I received my gift – the poet
Who lives within me and who is my friend.

Many couples married or unmarried
Share a special precious golden bonding
Create a unit multiplying love
I grieve such a companion to grow old with
Not finding this for me I made a choice
I grieve – but I do not regret

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Haiku: Unbeatable Foe

Alert says high winds.
Rising sun rims clouds with pink
Weather paradox

I hear wind howling.
Trees tossed wildly,  beaming sun
Teasing me to choose

Play it safe or go?
Take shopping cart, walk to store
Or curl up and read

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