Sometimes everything has to be enscribed across the heavens so you can find the one line already written inside you. Sometimes it takes a great sky to find that small, bright, and indescribable wedge of freedom in your own heart. David Whyte

Who Will I Be When I Grow Up?

on July 23, 2014

I remember being a child living in a safe and not very large world. I knew about World War II because my neighbor put a chicken-wire pen in her front yard to collect scrap metal. I remember ration books and my older cousin coming to visit looking handsome in his white Navy uniform. We children were not aware of adult conversations about the horrors and fears of war. We were incubated. I never thought about what it would be like to be an adult. I understood that it would naturally occur.

I grew up removed from reality. I learned to tell stories that skated on top of any situation, covering up anger, pain and disappointment. It was part of the Hollywood-inspired culture of the time that people got married and lived happily ever after. When it took me almost thirty years of marriage to see the impossibility of that myth, I created another story to rationalize my decision to get a divorce. Telling “stories” is not what real grown ups do.

I repeated this when I abandoned my second marriage. I felt it was not polite to tell the truth to people in my apartment I was meeting for the first time. I created a story out of a half truth. Eventually I told my true story.

This blogging enterprise has brought out a “real me” that I did not know lived deep inside. It began when I named my blog Cronechronicler. I didn’t think twice. It seemed a natural choice. Several years ago I went to a workshop about crones. The definition of a crone we were given is “an archetypal figure, a wise woman marginalized by her exclusion from the reproductive cycle.” We took part in a “croning, a ritual rite of passage into an era of wisdom, freedom and personal power.” My writing and the comments of other bloggers uncover these attributes in me. My wisdom has accumulated over the years. I gave myself freedom when I moved to my present home. Power is increasing with living my truth. I could never have foretold who I would grow up to be. That’s part of the fun.

14 responses to “Who Will I Be When I Grow Up?

  1. I acquired the wisdom, at 70, to seek my own truth, live in the moment. and see them importance of loving ME. Congratulations on journeying down the path to live your own truth.

  2. vivachange77 says:

    I enjoyed your comment. I’m 77 and just getting started. I’m glad you are living your truth and loving yourself.

  3. Loved your details and the honesty in this one!

  4. Meg Evans says:

    Yes, I’ve also found that blogging contributes much more to personal growth than we realize at first. Good post! I believe that the culture is always made of stories, no matter what the time period; and it’s up to us to gain the perspective needed to start telling our own authentic stories!

  5. Scott says:

    Each of us approaches reality from a different direction. Sometimes the destination is startling. Great job on this.

  6. vivachange77 says:

    Thanks a lot for your comment.

  7. Redg Camarse says:

    Blogging really is a very different experience. There’s just something about putting your ideas “out there” that makes them more real (or important!) There are even times when you realize something new while in the process of writing something. It’s very cathartic. Aaaand I love the story behind the name “cronechronicler” 🙂

  8. I was just thinking about the stories we tell ourselves, and those we tell others. I’ve never believed in aging but gaining a crone’s wisdom is something we yearn for. I love your posts. I’m glad you are finding your truth and power in your freedom of blogging.

  9. vivachange77 says:

    Your words of understanding the gift of crone wisdom available as we age and affirming my writing means a lot to me. Thanks. You make me happy!

  10. JoHanna Massey says:

    “I learned to tell stories that skated on top of any situation, covering up anger, pain and disappointment.”

    Goodness, how many of us have done that in our life times? Or continue to do it for an entire lifetime? I believe that social media offers the opportunity to come clean and learn to use our true voices, and in some cases it just provides new generations a new medium to ‘skate on top of any situation’

    Enjoy your website so very much.

    • vivachange77 says:

      Thank you for your comment. It took me back to revisit the old post from summer 2014. I’m in the process of floundering in a new story which I haven’t found words for yet. But I know they are “enscribed across the heavens” and I’ll find the one line inside me in due time. I, too, appreciate that social media gives us this opportunity.

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